(WARNING: The following is almost definitely historically inaccurate.)
Once upon a time,
there was a man named Henry. He was the king of a land called “Eng.” Henry had four sons= Henry, Henry, Henry, and Henry. The fifth Henry (the youngest son), decided to take over the land of Eng as king after Henry left the throne. He loved Eng land so much that he wanted to kill anyone who even touched it (especially France and Scot land, but mostly France).
One day, the Dolphin of France came to give Henry some toys. However, some men with some religious affiliation or other were corrupting the king and trying to get him to make war so they could get money or somesuch. Henry wasn’t liking that much, but he didn’t know it at the time. Anyway, they told him that France had been putting its grubby little hands all over the land of Eng, so Henry became quite furious. “Oh, no, they di’int!” He snapped his fingers in a Z-formation. The Dolphin of France, who was oblivious to Henry’s friends of corrupt religious affiliations, wanted to give Henry some balls to play with, but Henry said, “No! I’ma turn these TENNIS balls into… CANNON balls and kill ya for touching Eng’s land!”
The Dolphin was saddened by this…. However, it had begun. France and Eng were at war. Henry took all his toy soldiers over to France’s fields and there was much fighting.
To make a long story short, there was lots and lots of bloody battle, the religiously affiliated men got what was coming to them, traitors in the Eng army were arrested, and finally, Henry (the fifth one) defeated the Dolphin and his French army once and for all.
After the war was over, the littlest Henry (the fifth one, mind you) decided to marry the princess of France (whose name was Katherine) because it was politics. But Henry pretended to be in love with the woman so that she’d marry him and let him kiss her.
In short, he was a very Patriotic, Bloody, and Contolling King. I’m pretty sure he killed his other three elder brothers so that he could be king. It would make sense…. Oh, right, these children’s tales have morals. The moral of the story, Children, is that absolute power corrupts absolutely (and the land of Eng is way better than France).
THE END.
